if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
