omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
