I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
