he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
