I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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