Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
