my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
