i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
