I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
