i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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