First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
