I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't turn off my feet"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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