I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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