I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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