they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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