Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
