Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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