drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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