nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
