i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
