Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
