I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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