we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
