pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
