Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
