This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
