There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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