I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
