My underwear smells like fireworks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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