you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
