I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
