why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
