Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
