Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
