I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
