Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
