What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I could fuck to npr.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
