Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
do nipples grow back?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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