What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
