im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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