I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
foreskin is a definite game changer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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