my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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