she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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