They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
