i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
