It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
