I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
