I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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