That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
