She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
