Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We're too hungover to prance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
