He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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