I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
