Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
