how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
