You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
