his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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