some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
