well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
